154.

   I will not be put on hold, nor will I lie in wait

  To make my way back, the way you do not want

  Or someone's way, not mine

  And since you want not know

  What happens on the inside

  At what point is the heal and where the fuck it's not

  You won't get to know when

  It happens

  The big let go

  The change of me

  That will come from no amends with this monstruous change of you

  I have a talent, you know

  Or perhaps even two

  First, never letting go of what matters to me most

  The other is, past that, never looking back

  To let one in again

  Cause I cannot, old friend

  But when I say it, it's true.

  This won't be called my choice,

  the coldness of my heart.

  You've let me go before

  And hid away from me

  But very unlike mine

  It didn't hurt your core

  You had someone (un)like me

  And will again, and so

  You know how to go on

  And fix all of the hurt

  It is not you who have

  To hide away your heart

  Protect it from the urge

  To give yourself apart

153.

  It's almost like a test

  To prove that you were right

  That in the end I'll hate you

  But I can feel your hands

  Crushing my ribs apart

  Feeling my flesh fold warm

  As you try to grab my heart

  It's all a brutal fight

  To prove who hurts the most

  But nothing matters less

  Here, panting in the dark

  The bruised knucles are yours

  The footprints made of blood

  Our blood always entwined

  And as mazes unfold

  I watch the fading ghost

  Your words, your care, your arms

  I too can smell your breath

  Still now, even apart

  I'll never hate your eyes

  They're kinder than your heart

  Your gaze upon my own

  Even if not as sweet

  And I can't call you friend

  Can't call you anymore

  I cannot talk to you

  I wish I'd fade right now

  I wish I really could

  And soon be dead and gone

  For you to see me anew

  In the empty shape of me

  I leave behind to you