154.

   I will not be put on hold, nor will I lie in wait

  Trying to make my way back

  And since you cannot and will not know

  What happens inside

  At what point is the heal and where the fuck it is not

  You won't get to know when

  It happens

  The big let go

  The change of me

  That will come from no amends with this monstruous change of you

  I have a talent, you know

  Os perhaps even two

  The first one is never letting go of what matters to me. The second one is, past that, never looking back to let one in again.

153.

  It's almost like a test

  To prove that you were right

  That in the end I'll hate you

  But I can feel your hands

  Crushing my ribs apart

  Feeling my flesh fold warm

  As you try to grab my heart

  It's all a brutal fight

  To prove who hurts the most

  But nothing matters less

  Shallow panting in the dark

  The bruised knucles are yours

  The footprints made of blood

  Our blood always entwined

  And as mazes unfold

  I watch the faded ghost

  Your words, your care, your arms

  I too can smell your breath

  Even now as we part

  I'll never hate your face

  Cause nothing is as true

  Your gaze upon my eyes

  Even though not as sweet

  And I can't call you friend

  Can't call you anymore

  I cannot talk to you

  I wish I'd fade right now

  I wish I really could

  And soon be dead and gone

  For you to see me anew

  In the empty shape of me

  That I leave behind to you