155.

  Your smell on me, like tree bark

  And still I watch and beg

  Eyes up with the Gods, I long

  I'm holding up for a miracle

  But when I hide inside your arms,

  (That's the first time I did that)

  I hide like a little girl

  Little broken girl in magic garden

  Where trees that love me

  Make space in their bark

  And hold me

  They all smell like you

  No one could be you for me

  I'd never felt that safe

  Not that I always felt held

  Not that I always felt safe

  But in this way that you hold me

  In that way that you held me

  Safe enough to be wretched

  You wanted to see everything I hid

  And I hid everything I didn't know about

  I had only been loved by hiding and pleasing

  Neglected the tar

  Overlooked the sour

  And to be loved by you, I should

  Have hid, have lied purposefully

  But, accepting the demands

  (you have no strength to deal with),

  I didn't

  And so I grew, by dying

  Which I do so well

  You don't

  I betrayed the hurt

  I performed the less with you

  And still, I didn't see myself

  I grew so much, I am

  But there's no meaning in it if you don't hold me like you.

  What do I smell like to you, my love?

  There's little joy, but so much meaning

  In not being falsely held by you

  You pretend to warn, but only to redeem yourself

  That's why you warn so much, so loudly

  It's the building of an alibi

  That's why you go after the ones that have that soft spot

  Or are already in love with you

  So they don't really leave

  They make their excuses for you

  And you pretend to be sad

  Pretend to want to give more

  As you keep on feeding

  The least erotic vampire